As you can see by looking at the polls on the Loving Domestic Discipline site, many Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyles begin at the woman's request. Of course, there are many men out there who are interested in Loving Domestic Discipline too, but often it is the woman in an established relationship who first suggests the idea of Loving Domestic Discipline to her partner.
Getting her man to agree to the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle can be difficult, as many women have discovered. Many men mistake a woman's interest in Loving Domestic Discipline for an interest in purely sexual spanking - exclusively for use as a prelude to lovemaking as a form of foreplay. But Loving Domestic Discipline is not about foreplay, even though it may have a sexual component for some people.
One of the first objections that a man may have to an LDD relationship is that he perceives it to be a mirror of the parent-child relationship. The problem for the man is that he does not want to be his wife's "Daddy" and have to treat her like a child all the time. He wants an equal, adult partner in the relationship. This can be extremely frustrating for the woman who wants to establish a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship with her husband. She knows that she does not want to be treated like a child either, but she does know that she needs to be spanked for her misbehavior from time to time. She does know that she needs to be spanked for her own good. She does know that she wants to feel her man's authority. She wants to feel submissive. But she doesn't necessarily want to feel like a child.
If the woman cannot articulate her feelings clearly enough, the man may remain convinced that the whole Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle involves treating his woman constantly as if she were childish. He may feel that he is being asked to take on a parental role, instead of the role of an equal in marriage. From his point of view, it is natural that he should reject this lifestyle, because he does not want to be his woman's father. He feels that she is asking too much of him. He is happy to help her out, but he is not willing to become a substitute father figure who is responsible for disciplining her as if she were a child.
In order to refute this mistaken belief, let us compare the differences between spanking a child and spanking an adult woman.
IMPORTANT NOTE: This article does not take a position either for or against the spanking of children. This is an article about the spanking of adult women. We are going to make reference to the spanking of children for comparative purposes only. This article is not about child spanking. Furthermore, this article does not associate the spanking of children in any way with the spanking of adult women. In fact, it does the exact opposite. Comparison is not the same as association. There are certain similarities between the spanking of children and the spanking of adult women. The most obvious similarity is that both involve corporal punishment. Both involve spanking and therefore both are a form of corporal punishment. This does not mean, however, that both are equal or identical.
Just like with children, an adult woman who is spanked by her HOH is spanked on her bottom. Usually her bottom is bare when she is spanked, especially if her HOH follows the guidelines suggested in the LDD lifestyle, which advises that women be spanked on their bare bottoms to avoid the risk of unintentional bruising. It is easy to accidentally bruise a woman's bottom when she is spanked through her clothes, because her HOH cannot see how his woman's bottom is responding to her spanking. There are other reasons for spanking a woman on her bare bottom (see the
Nudity and
Nudity 2 articles for more information), but the primary one is safety.
When women or children are spanked, there will usually (though not always) be some tears involved. The whole process of corporal punishment is designed to inflict pain in order to modify behavior and attitude. As a consequence, tears will often result. Many people who administer corporal punishment believe that it is most effective when the woman or child being punished is brought to tears from their spanking.
Both women and children are spanked out of love. They are spanked by a loved one - a parent, in the case of children, or a male HOH (husband or boyfriend), in the case of an adult woman. Of course, it is also possible that a child might be spanked by someone who does not love them - a schoolteacher, for example. This is not the case for a woman in an Loving Domestic Discipline relationship, who will only be spanked by the man who loves her.
The person spanking the woman or child wants what is best for them. They want them to behave well and to have a good attitude, so that the woman or child will become a happier person who has a positive effect on those around them. Essentially, they are being punished for their own good. There are secondary benefits to other people who are affected by the misbehavior of the woman or child, because they will no longer be subjected to the negative effects of that misbehavior. But the main beneficiary of the corporal punishment is the woman herself or the child themself.
Both women and children are given punishment spankings to correct misbehavior. In the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle, this misbehavior consists of disrespect, dishonesty or disobedience. Children are punished for basically the same kinds of offenses, although the exact nature of their offenses will often vary from those of an adult woman. A ten year old child is unlikely to commit a punishable offense that involves driving an automobile, for example, whereas a woman might.
Based on these initial comparisons, it might seem as though there are many, many similarities between spanking a child and spanking a woman. It is not surprising, therefore, that some people mistakenly think that the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle is all about treating an adult woman like a child. But appearances can be deceptive. There are many more things that clearly and strongly distinguish the LDD punishment spanking of an adult woman from the kind of spanking that a child might receive. Examining the differences between these two types of spankings will show why Loving Domestic Discipline does most definitely not involve treating the woman like a child.
On an intangible - yet nonetheless significant - level, Loving Domestic Discipline involves the complex interplay of masculine and feminine energies. Many of these are complex emotional and mental energies that merge together in a dance of complementary opposites. They express the basic complementary, yin-yang polarity that makes relationships between men and women so fascinating, so complex and sometimes so challenging. The interplay of these energies is responsible for many of the benefits of the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle for the HOH and his woman. These energies are responsible for the complex moral, emotional, psychological, spiritual, mental, sexual, intimate, instinctive and connective benefits of this wonderful lifestyle. Spanking a child does not awaken any of these masculine and feminine energies. It is only intended to correct a child's misbehavior, not to awaken a dance of masculine and feminine energies between the parent and the child.
One important aspect of this interplay of masculine and feminine energies between the HOH and his woman is the sexual aspect. Some couples make love soon after the disciplinary process has been completed. This can be an expression of the emotional intimacy that has been restored by the process of spanking the woman to tears for her own good, or it can be a simple result of the sexual arousal that either or both participants feel. While many (if not most) women become wet between their legs as a result of being spanked to tears, not all women are conscious of their arousal. The serious and sometimes severe tone of their punishment, combined with the knowledge that they have disappointed the man they love, will often act to remove their awareness from any simple physical sexual arousal they might be experiencing. On the other hand, some women are constantly aware of their sexual arousal as a result of being spanked, even when it is for punishment purposes. This varies from woman to woman and from couple to couple. Some women find that the shame of being corporally punished by their HOH increases their sexual arousal while others find that such shame substantially decreases or eliminates their arousal. Many women find that the pain and shame of their punishment spanking tends to suppress their arousal for the duration of the disciplinary process, but when they are finally forgiven by their HOH and reconciled with him, the surge of love that wells up from their heart will naturally express itself through a desire for greater physical intimacy, to match the beautiful emotional intimacy they now feel for their HOH as a result having been punished by him.
Regardless of how this sexual energy between the HOH and his woman expresses itself, this is another quality of Loving Domestic Discipline that is not present when a child is spanked by a parent or educator. As such, this is yet another difference between the discipline of women and the discipline of children.
An essential component of Loving Domestic Discipline is the understanding, expression and development of the woman's submission to her HOH. Understanding the fact that submission is central not only to female sexuality but also to female psychology and behavior (not to mention femininity itself!) is central to the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle. The Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle is based on this understanding. It expresses this understanding through its practices. The various techniques used in Loving Domestic Discipline are all designed to develop a woman's submission. Of course, they have other functions as well. These other functions include modifying her behavior and attitude so that they are more positive. They also include improving her relationship with her HOH. But the development of her submission to her HOH's authority is an important aspect of Loving Domestic Discipline. Developing her submission in general is an important part of Loving Domestic Discipline. The practice of administering regular Maintenance Discipline spankings is intended to build the woman's submission, so that she gains a deeper experience of her own femininity and can learn to relate to her HOH in a sweeter, more feminine way.
This is not the case when a child is spanked. Spanking a child is not intended to build the child's submission. Obedience to the parent or to other adults might be an important part of disciplining a child, but submission is not the goal. Submission benefits a woman greatly in her femininity, but it is not something that children are taught. Obedience is, but submission is not.
The Loving Domestic Discipline practice of spanking the adult woman will create some additional benefits for her. These emotional benefits usually center around catharsis, grounding and stress release. Catharsis means that the woman, via the process of being spanked to tears, rids herself of negative emotions. The process of being spanked to tears has an emotionally cleansing effect on the woman. It is an intense experience that clears out negative emotions from her heart, body and mind. Another associated benefit is the feeling of being much more grounded after she has been disciplined. She feels a great deal calmer after her spanking. This is an extremely widespread experience for most women who are spanked by their HOHs. It is a natural result of the emotional catharsis produced by the disciplinary process. Many women find being spanked to tears has a deeply soothing effect on them, once their discipline or punishment is over. While the process of being spanked is usually anything BUT soothing, the aftermath of the spanking leaves the woman feeling calm, relaxed, positive and tranquil. This is usually in stark contrast to how she was feeling prior to her discipline. Some women ask their HOHs specifically for a "stress release" spanking. This is not to punish them for misbehavior, nor is it to enhance their submission (although they will experience this side benefit as a natural result of being spanked by their HOH). The stress release spanking will take the woman through the cathartic process in order to relieve her of any emotional stress she may be feeling. This is a gift that an HOH can give his woman when he sees that she is suffering from stress, much like a massage or a neck rub. A stress relief spanking can be much more effective than these milder physical approaches, however.
A child is not spanked in order to enable the child to experience catharsis, emotional grounding or stress release. It is a purely punitive measure and therefore is entirely different from the spanking of an adult woman, who may be spanked for these emotional reasons as well as for punishment or for building her submission to her HOH.
One of the core benefits of Loving Domestic Discipline is that it builds greater intimacy between the HOH and his woman. It is intended to bring the man and the woman closer together. LDD is wonderfully effective in achieving this too, which is why the lifestyle is so appealing to many people. The result of the disciplinary process, whether it is administered for maintenance or for punishment reasons, is always greatly enhanced intimacy between the woman and her HOH. This deep intimacy is what attracts so many people to the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle, because it is the kind of intimacy that all couples seek in their relationship. Because the relationship between the HOH and his woman is, by definition, an intimate relationship, since it is the relationship between husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend, intimacy is a major benefit of the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle - perhaps the single most important benefit. Anything that brings the HOH and his woman closer together is worthwhile, because closeness is what an intimate relationship is all about.
Spanking a child, on the other hand, is not intended to create greater intimacy between the person administering the spanking and the child. Intimacy, especially intimacy of the kind shared between a husband and wife, is not the goal of spanking a child. The goal is behavioral and/or attitudinal correction only.
Another benefit of the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle is that it enhances the romantic love that exists between the HOH and his woman. If there is temporarily a lack of romantic love between the two people, the disciplinary process will help to create and restore that love. By reestablishing the flow of masculine and feminine energies between the HOH and his woman, Loving Domestic Discipline helps to bring back the romance into their relationship. A loving relationship is dependent on the flow of complementary energies between the man and the woman. When energies move into opposition rather than mutual complement, the relationship will begin to experience friction, tension and ultimately, conflict. Loving Domestic Discipline heals this conflict by restoring the natural balance of masculine and feminine energies, as well as restoring the HOH to his natural leadership role and restoring the woman to her naturally submissive one.
The spanking of a child, of course, is not intended to reestablish romantic love between the child and their spanker, because there was no romantic love between them in the first place.
One of the important aspects of Loving Domestic Discipline is that it is a consensual lifestyle. Loving Domestic Discipline involves the woman actively consenting to being spanked by her HOH for her own good. She consents to submit herself to his authority. She consents to obeying him. She consents to being guided by him. She consents to his leadership. She consents to the corporal punishment that he may inflict on her for maintenance or punitive purposes. She is able to give her consent because she is an adult woman who has the power to consent to an adult arrangement with her husband or boyfriend.
A child, on the other hand, has no real power to disagree with the decisions of their parent or educator. They are simply obliged to go along with whatever their parent or educator has decided for them. As such, the child does not consent to a spanking, because they have no ability to refuse being subjected to corporal punishment. They cannot refuse to submit to parental or educational authority, simply because they are children. This fact further distinguishes the discipline of women from the discipline of children.
An adult woman will be more emotionally mature than a child. Her additional emotional maturity may sometimes lead her to approach her HOH and admit to an offense that she knows will result in a spanking (Of course, there are exceptions to this rule. Some women are not emotionally mature enough to be able to admit their mistakes and so they wait for their HOH to find out about their misbehavior). She sees a bigger picture than a child might. A child will generally not admit anything that will lead to a spanking, because they tend to think in a more short term way. A woman will understand how discipline benefits her in the medium to long term, even if she hates the pain and shame of being spanked to tears. She will put up with the pain and humiliation of her spanking because she knows that it is good for her as a woman and it is good for her relationship with her HOH.
For the same reason, sometimes a woman will ask her HOH to spank her. This might be for an actual offense that requires punishment. Or it might be because the woman feels that her submission, respect and obedience are slipping. She wants them to be restored to their proper levels before her behavior deteriorates to the point where she will need to be given a punishment spanking. Perhaps the woman will ask her HOH for a stress release spanking because she is aware of her emotional state growing worse due to external influences in her life. She knows that the catharsis that she will experience as a result of being spanked to tears will help her to feel more emotionally balanced, stable and happy.
It is much more rare for a child to ask to be spanked. Since the only reason that a child is ever spanked is for misbehavior, they have no interest in receiving a stress release spanking, or a Maintenance Discipline, because children do not receive these. Only unusually mature children will ask for a spanking if they have committed a punishable offense that their parent knows nothing about.
Most children are not mature enough to realize how spanking benefits them. They see it purely in terms of an unpleasant experience that is best avoided. They don't see that it might help them to improve their behavior and attitude over time. It is a short lived experience but one that is highly unpleasant. Therefore they try to forget about it as soon as possible and avoid incurring one at all costs.
An adult woman, conversely, should be mature enough to see how beneficial discipline is for her. She should see that the medium and long term benefits substantially outweigh the intense discomfort and shame of being spanked to tears by her HOH. Because she is in a romantic relationship with her HOH, she should notice immediately how Loving Domestic Discipline enhances the intimacy and love she experiences in this primary relationship.
A large proportion of Loving Domestic Discipline relationships are in fact instigated by the woman. It is quite often the woman who suggests to her boyfriend or husband that he spank her if she misbehaves. It is often the woman who asks her HOH to hold her accountable for her words, actions and attitudes. She seeks leadership and guidance from her man, because she knows that loving but firm limits that are enforced by him will ultimately be highly beneficial for her as a woman.
Children, unlike women, virtually never ask to be held accountable by their parents or teachers. Children are automatically accountable, as far as the adult is concerned. Children do not approach a parent and say, "My friend Julie told me that her Mom and Dad spank her when she misbehaves. Can you and Dad spank me when I misbehave too, please?"
The authority of parents and educators over children is regarded as a given. It is rarely if ever disputed. Parents and educators have legal authority over the children for whom they are responsible. In jurisdictions where the spanking of children is not prohibited, parents have the right to corporally punish their children.
Men used to have legal authority over their wives but this has been eroded over the decades to the point where it no longer exists. That is why women must CONSENT to the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle. In the absence of a legal right to administer corporal punishment to his wife, a man will seek her consent to the lifestyle (or a woman will offer her consent to the man because she would love to start living this way).
What about the dreaded phrase, "Good girl"? Some people point to the use of the phrase "good girl," which is designed to encourage a woman's good behavior, as evidence that the Loving Domestic Discipline somehow infantilizes the woman. When an HOH tells his woman that she is a "good girl," does this mean that he is treating her like a child?
Of course not. When a woman says to her husband, "I love you, baby," does anyone suspect her of infantilizing him in some kind of negative or humiliating fashion? No one would, because that is not her intention. People are much quicker to suspect a man of infantilizing a woman than a woman of infantilizing a man, even though their language might be very similar.
The phrase "good girl" implies a protective, loving and affectionate authority exercised by the HOH over his woman. The HOH is responsible for protecting, guiding and disciplining his woman. She is subject to his authority. As a human being, she is his equal, but in the context of their Loving Domestic Discipline relationship, she must obey him and submit to his authority. She is female and her HOH is male. She accepts this intrinsic difference and chooses to submit to him because she knows that is the most natural, loving and effective way to live their intimate relationship.
Some women are comfortable with using the word "girl" to describe themselves on a dating web site, for example, but bristle at the idea of being called a "good girl" by an HOH. These people seize on the phrase "good girl" as a sign that the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle is denigrating to women. It serves as a rallying point for them, yet in fact it is merely a smokescreen to hide their own discomfort at the thought that women are genuinely and naturally submissive to their husbands.
Saying that the Loving Domestic Discipline involves treating the woman like a child is no different from saying that the Army treats its soldiers like children because it can discipline them, or that a corporation treats its employees like children because it can reassign them to different tasks. Women who submit to the rightful male authority of their husbands or boyfriends are no more children than a company employee is a child or a soldier is a child.
This article has attempted to demonstrate that the difference between spanking a child and spanking a woman is enormous. When a child is spanked by their parent, they undergo a vastly different process than the woman who is spanked by her HOH. Loving Domestic Discipline is not about treating an adult woman as if she were a child. It is treating her like an adult woman who clearly benefits from the loving application of corporal punishment for a range of different reasons, as explained above. She is spanked as an adult woman, not as a child. The tears she cries are the tears of an adult woman, not the tears of a child. The emotional catharsis she experiences as a result of being spanked to tears is the sign that she is an adult, not a child. The renewed romantic love and intimacy that infuse her relationship with her HOH are the signs of an adult experience in an adult relationship.
Labels: adult, catharsis, child, childish, children, corporal punishment, Loving Domestic Discipline, mature, punish, sex, spank, woman
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